If you were to ask me the main reason(s) for writing my book, I would have to tell you that I wish to help you, the reader to effectively prepare, cope, and overcome the reality of terminal illness and death of a loved one. So, I have decided that in the days and weeks to come, I am going to write some in depth blogs on those specific topics.

Now, on to the scary part. You’re probably asking yourself, “How in the world do I prepare for any illness, much less a terminal illness?” Is that possible? The answer is a resounding yes. There are some very helpful things you can do in relation to preparing for the unimaginable. Some are more clearly evident that others… for example, do you have a spiritual life? For me, prayer was my most beneficial and effective tool, not only prior to my wife’s illness, but all throughout and after the funeral. Beneficial, because when I prayed or read Scripture, my mind was invariably set at ease. Effective because no matter what decision I made, it seemed someone protested or disagreed with it. Praying helped me to make what I believed were the right decisions in terms of her care. It's amazing though, how many people never consider prayer as an option. When I was editing my book, several of those helping, strongly advised me to take all references to Scripture out and that if I did, the book might become a best seller. I refused, simply because I knew that without the Lord's help, I could not have come out of the whole ordeal with my sanity or the peace of mind I so desperately needed.

Now for some of the more difficult preparation items. If you have ever sat and listened to an insurance salesman give you the rundown on what kind of insurance you ought to own, you’ve probably understood why it is a frightening and overwhelming topic. There are so many kinds of insurance coverage few of us truly understand it all. Then there are legal documents galore. In the weeks to come, will attempt to help you better understand insurances and prepare you to make the proper choices. But first, let me warn you, I am not a lawyer so I am NOT giving legal advice, nor do I sell insurance of any kind, I am simply offering what I believe is information that will give you a better understanding so that you will make informed decisions rather than hopeful guesses in terms of your own plan.

The topics I will discuss are, but are not limited to:

 Last Will and Testament

Living Trust (bet you never heard of that one)

Five Wishes document

Advanced Directives and DNR Orders

Health –vs- Disability Insurance

 Long Term Care Insurance

Power of Attorney

Medical Power of Attorney

So, till next time, I pray your health is good and that your life is also.

 

Since my last post I have been contacted by several individuals who wished to hear more about the feelings of a surviving spouse. I have considered writing my next book on this subject but wasn't sure it would be well accepted so, until now, it has been on the back burner. 
In my current book, I have a section entitled Is There Life After Death?" and in it, I discuss people I have known, who have lost their spouses and how they sometimes tend to make hasty and occasionally, foolish decisions. Some of my friends (as well as myself) have decided to remodel all or part of their homes. Many had purchased new cars. Some sold their homes, while others went on long trips and spent large sums of money on frivolous things. Much of what they do, they were advised against doing by well meaning relatives. They (we) can't explain why they (we) just do these things, they (we) just do them.
In my book, I tell of one man I knew who married just two weeks after the death of his spouse. I also know a woman who, after only a few days, found herself in the arms of the best friend of her deceased husband.
While my wife was in hospice care, I met a woman volunteer who encouraged me to attend a grievance support group once my wife passed. She told me that she had been going to the group since her husband's death. When I asked her how long it had been, she responded by telling me it had been 17 years. At first, I was shocked, but after I thought about it, I realized there was really no wrong way to deal with the loss of a spouse as long as you don't self destruct or infringe on the lives of others.
If you are dealing with the recent or even not so recent loss of a spouse, I wish to tell you first of all that my heart goes out to you for your loss. Secondly, the advice of loved ones, while they may be annoying and perhaps a little frustrating at times, is truly for your own protection. Things like "Wait a year before making any major decisions" is probably the best advice I can give you. Don't make any major purchases over $2500 unless it's an emergency. If you have an inheritance, PLEASE find someone you trust and have them help you to best use it for your survival.
In the area of making bad decisions because of loneliness, I consider myself an expert. In my last blog post, I admitted that I have made many mistakes. The bulk of those mistakes have been in the area of pursuing relationships without proper grieving. I was re-married after just six months. Consequently, it was a disaster, and unfair, both for the woman I married and for me. I hadn't taken time to get over my wife's death.  How could I after just six months? Therefore, (even if subconsciously) I couldn't clearly focus on the relationship I was in and sadly, we were divorced after just one year. 
So, the answer is YES, there IS life after death, but we must take it stride and take our time in making those big decisions. Remember, only one body went into the ground on the day of the funeral, and it wasn't yours. You have a responsibility to live on. You have a right to be happy. Whether you intend to stay alone for the remainder of your life, or find another mate, be kind to yourself. Know that the chapter of your life that has just passed will one day be history and you will remain. Don't be afraid to live life. Don't let yourself sit idly by while the world passes you by. Get out, make new friends, but take your time in doing it. After all, you have the rest of your life to do it!

For a limited time, I will be sending a FREE electronic copy of my book to anyone who wants one. There are only two stipulations. One is, you'll read the whole book and two, is that you will send me a review when you are finished.
Send you email address and the book will be sent directly to you... FREE!

Tell a friend about us!

Have you ever thought about life after death? I'm not talking about eternal life, I'm not talking about your death, I'm talking about the death of your spouse (if you have one).  I clearly remember the day I stood at the alter. Beaming with excitement, looking proudly at my new bride to be. Every word of the marriage vows, embedded my brain. Thoughts of a bright future and joyous days ahead, raced through my mind.
Of all of the words I said that day, the words, "Till death do us part" was the furthest from my mind, Like all enthusiastic youngsters, I never imagined either of us dying. The words, "Happily ever after" were all that came to mind.
Then, one day, everything changed and most of the things I once called "normal" became things of the past , and a new "normal" boldly, and mercilessly emerged. We were told of my wife's impending and unavoidable demise. No cure, no hope. Life as we knew it, ended that day. Yet life continued and we were in an imaginary glass bubble, looking out but not able to get out. The dreaded day was coming and there was nothing we could do about it but face it head on. 
Then, her life ended, and the words, "Till death do us part" were no longer just a cliche. I found myself alone for the first time, not just in my adult life, but for the first time in my whole life! What in the world would I do? Suddenly, everything I had become throughout my wife's illness was no more. I was no longer her mate, I was no longer her caregiver, I was no longer waiting for the inevitable. I was ALONE, with no wife to turn to and no one to give me the comfort that only she could.
Since that day, I have made many mistakes and have learned much. It has been over four years since her death now, and I am still without a mate. My living has continued but my life has had a deep void, ever since.
For some, they are able to find a mate. For others, they are fine with being alone for the remainder of their days. The truth is, there are no wrong answers, As they say, "It is what it is."
If you are the surviving spouse, I implore you, do whatever it is that you feel is right, but first, take some time and think about your decision before making it. Spend some quality time in prayer. Ask God for His guidance. Remember, the Bible promises us that if we trust God with all of our heart and lean not on our own understanding, and if we acknowledge Him in all our ways, He will direct our paths.
After my wife died, everyone told me to wait a year before making any big decisions, but I was stubborn and I made mistake after mistake for a long time. In hind sight, I wish I had paid more attention.
So, in answer to my question, YES there IS life after the death of your spouse, and YES, if you and your spouse remain married for your whole lives, you will one day live the words, "Till death do us part." But when the day does come, my best advice to you is to be kind to yourself and do your best to let go of as much pain and hurt as you can. It will help you to have a clearer head. Join a grief support group. Allow yourself time to recover from the loss. And you will live the life after death. 

The other day, a friend of mine called me and told me about her son who had been paralyzed from the waist down. She was terrified thinking about what she would do and how she could possibly cope with being in such a predicament.
How would she go about her daily chores? How could she afford to pay all of the bills she had? How would she ever make it? How would she ever be able to manage all of the challenges she was about to face?

I told her that she would be encountering two kinds of people. The first, would be the kind of people who would tell her that "If" she needed anything to "let them know." I told her that the people in this group would likely NOT be the people who she could count on to be there for her in a pinch. I explained that it wasn't because this group was good or bad, but because this group was emotionally unable to accept and face her situation. They were very uncomfortable with the awkwardness of the reality before them. Their offer to help was more to satisfy their own conscious than to tell you they really were willing to help.
I said that the other group wouldn't tell her they were there to help. They would just help. They would be the type of people who never asked if they should mow her lawn, they would simply go and mow it. They wouldn't ask if she needed food, they would simply bring food. They would never hesitate to be active supporters in her plight. They were anything but passive observers.

Then, I got a profound idea. I told her something that surprised even me. I told her to make a list of all of the things she needed help with. Everything from bringing meals, to helping her clean her house, to helping with a financial donation. I explained that she could use this list in a powerful way. I told her that the next time someone said to "Let them know", that she should have her list ready and that she should give them a task.
If you are a caregiver, get your list ready and have it at your reach at all times! Draw upon ALL of the resources to your avail.
And perhaps, your journey will be made more bearable than it might otherwise have been.
Thanks for reading, your comments are always welcome!

Have you ever had a habit of doing something every day or every week, like going to church, or exercising? Then, one day, you just got busy and didn't take time to do the thing. Somehow, a day turned into two, then three, then, before you knew it, six months had passed you by?
Well, that's exactly what has happened to me. I stopped writing blogs about five months ago. I don't know how it happened, I don't even know why I stopped. All I know for sure, is that I have been getting notes and messages from people asking me to begin writing blogs once again.
Apparently, some folks actually read what I write! And to you, I say THANK YOU!

Life has a way of moving on with, or without us doesn't it? I look around and the one constant I always see, is change. Everything around us is changing from one minute to the next.
Take a look at your own face for example. If you could look at your image from just one year ago in a mirror, you'd see that you are hardly the same person. Your hair, your skin, in some cases, your whole identity may have become different. And whether you were ready or not, the change happened.

I am writing today because I am challenging you to not just sit by and watch the changes taking place all around you, but to take charge and become an active participant! Be a part of the change! A friend of mine used to always say, "If you're not a part of the solution, you're part of the problem!" I challenge you today, BE  A PART OF THE SOLUTION!
And Lord willing, I'll be back next week to add another blog for your reading.

The soldiers fighting in the wars being fought by our military today, are  coming home with a different type of injury. A type of injury that requires a different type of care. Because of the kinds of weapons being used, the soldiers are receiving more head trauma and upper body paralysis than ever before. Consequently, the level of, and type of care they will require once they return home will be much more demanding.
The term caregiver / caretaker will take on a whole new meaning for those waiting at home for the return of their loved one(s).
The stress of caregiving for someone who is recovering from a head wound or paralysis is very draining on an individual and even more draining on a family unit. If you have someone in your life who is a disabled veteran or someone who taking care of one, please don't hesitate to make every effort to give some assistance, any assistance. The caregiver and the patient will appreciate your help and will be blessed beyond measure.
Remember, statistically, you too will one day be placed either in the role of either a caregiver or a patient. If that time ever does come, you will know the value of the special someone being there for you in your time of need.
Perhaps one day it will be you who wishes for the aid of another, and that's a true possibility.

I felt like the star of a movie with no plot, climax, no high point. Yet, in the last four years of my life, I've survived much more than my share of highly significant experiences and adventures. << MORE >>

Have you ever discovered a loved one or a friend was diagnosed with a terminal condition or a stroke or heart attack? There was little or nothing you could do but watch the events unfold and pray for a positive outcome. You feel like an outsider and somehow, no words could bring solace and nothing you could do to make things better.

If you have found yourself in this position, I am writing to you today. Please, don't do nothing. At the very minimum, call the family and tell them you care. Let them know that you want to help in any way you can. Of course, if that's not true of you, it may be better if you don't call. Be aware that the family is afraid and most likely, any support you can give will be welcome. Then, follow through. Make good on your offer(s) go to their home and be as helpful as you can. Don't ask if there's anything you can do. They are probably not going to have any ideas on how you can help. Offer to ake their pets, watch their house, or their children while they stay with their loved one.  Don't fool yourself, there may one day come a time when you are the one hoping someone will call and offer to be your help in times of trouble.

Have you ever had an experience where you were afraid to take action because you though that you might make a wrong decision? Have you ever worried that you may not be smart enough to do something new?
I have to admit, I have not had any activity on my website since October, because I was literally terrified to try and open up the website. I was absolutely certain that I could NEVER accomplish something to technical, so daunting, so impossible (at least for me).
Well, I'm here to tell you, I had a friend over to see if he could assist me in doing so today. I watched, as he masterfully navigated his way to the destination we sought. Of course a call to the technical support department helped too. LOL
So my friends, here is the good news if you enjoy reading my blogs, I now know how to post new blogs and how to find my way around my website. So LOrd willing I will begin to post again. Please feel free to write and make your thoughts known. Your comments are welcome.

Thanks to my friend Nathaniel Madrid for your help.